How we score the bubbles.
Every review on Fizz Squad uses the same framework — one overall Squad Score from 0 to 10, plus five bubble-profile vectors that try to describe what the seltzer actually tastes like, not just whether we liked it. Here's exactly how it works.
The Squad Score
The single number on every card. It's our overall, all-in verdict on the seltzer — flavor, bubbles, balance, the whole vibe. It's a personal opinion, scored the same way every time, on a 10-point scale where decimals matter.
Pour it down the drainTop of the leaderboard
We try to use the full range. A 7.0 means "this is a perfectly fine seltzer we'd happily drink again" — not "we couldn't find anything wrong with it." A 9.0+ means we will buy this on purpose, repeatedly, and recommend it without caveats.
The five bubble-profile vectors
The Squad Score tells you whether we liked it. The vectors try to tell you what it's actually like, so you can decide if your tastebuds will agree with ours. Each one is rated 0–10.
How natural the flavor reads. A 10 tastes like someone smushed actual fruit into the can. A 1 tastes more like a flavor lab. Neither end is automatically good or bad — Spindrift sits high here on purpose, La Croix sits low here on purpose. They're both excellent at what they do.
The physical size of the carbonation. A 10 is loud, splashy, root-beer-style bubbles. A 1 is fine, champagne-pinpoint, almost-creamy carbonation. This isn't about strength — it's about mouthfeel.
How much the carbonation hits you. A 10 is a Topo-Chico-level punch — bubbles that almost burn. A 1 is gentle, sip-able, café-style fizz. This is the one most affected by how cold the can is, so we control for that (see below).
How "rocky" or "spring-water-like" it tastes. A 10 is Vichy Catalan or San Pellegrino — distinctly mineral, almost-savory. A 1 is filtered-and-flavored — clean, neutral water as a base.
How loud the flavor is, regardless of style. A 10 is "the can said grapefruit and you immediately taste grapefruit." A 1 is "is that...lemon? hello?" La Croix Pamplemousse is famously low here. Waterloo Black Cherry is famously high.
The Intensity meter (the right meter on every card)
You'll see two meters at the bottom of every review card. The left side shows the Squad Score as stars; the right side is the Intensity meter, derived as the rounded average of Bubble Intensity + Flavor Intensity.
It exists to answer one question at a glance: how loud is this drink? Some people want a quiet sparkling water that doesn't compete with their meal — they should look for low-intensity scores. Others want a fizz-bomb that wakes their palate up — they should look high. Same Squad Score can come with very different intensities, and the radar chart in the detail view shows the rest.
How we actually taste
None of this would matter if we weren't honest about the conditions. So:
- Cold and fresh. Every can is straight from a fridge that's been at ~38°F for at least 2 hours. We never review warm seltzer or anything that's been opened more than 5 minutes.
- In a glass when possible. Glass shows you the actual color and lets the aromatics out. Cans are tasted from the can if they're a tallboy or branded glass-vibe (Liquid Death, Topo Chico) where that matters to the experience.
- Two tasters, then a discussion. We're a married couple. We taste together, score independently, then compare and discuss until we land on a score we both stand behind.
- No palate fatigue. We keep tasting sessions short, and we cleanse with crackers and tap water between each.
What the score does not measure
- Price. A great $4 single-can pour gets the same score as a great $0.40 multi-pack pour. Cost-per-can lives in the bulk-buy section, not the score.
- Availability. A regional gem you can only find in Boston gets the same score as a national brand on every shelf.
- Calorie count, sweetener type, ingredients. We mention these in the review text when relevant, but they don't move the score.
- Marketing, packaging, vibes. We try to taste with our eyes closed. Liquid Death isn't getting points for the can; LaCroix isn't losing them for the rainbow.
How to use these scores
The Squad Score is a quick verdict. The vectors are how you actually shop:
- Want something that punches? Look high on Bubble Intensity and Flavor Intensity.
- Want something subtle for sipping with food? Look low on both.
- Curious whether you'll like a brand you've never tried? Find one you do like, hit the "If you like this, try…" recommendations at the bottom of any review — those are sorted by closest bubble profile.
Disagree with a score?
Tell us. Email hello@fizzsquad.com with the seltzer and what you thought. We re-taste anything that gets pushback from multiple readers.
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